The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon King -- Please Stay Dead This Time!
Gods & Empires Monthly (September Issue): Flip to page 56
The third (and hopefully final) installment of the Mummy series manages to be even worse than the first two. The plotline of The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor is so old, battered, and broken-down that I almost feel it would be cruel and merciless of me to take a swing at it. It’d be like kicking a sick dog, or tripping someone on crutches. Actually, maybe it’d be more like giving a good hard slap to the bandage of someone who just shot himself in the foot, because then he sort of had it coming to him, right? I mean, what were they thinking?
You know the story: archaeologist goes to Egypt/China to dig for a lost city/artifact/mummy and inadvertently awakens a High Priest/Scorpion King/Dragon Emperor. The gravity of the trouble extends far beyond the archaeologist, because the malignant force that he has just released naturally has plans for world domination and will slaughter and enslave the entire human race… that is, if he can’t be stopped first.
For such a redundant plot, the movie starts off on a relatively good foot. The cinematography portraying ancient China is breathtaking and leads into a mildly interesting tale of a mysterious and beautiful witch who is rumored to know the secret to immortality. The greedy Dragon Emperor makes his first mistake by sending his attractive general to accompany the witch on her journey to find the hidden spell. They predictably fall in love, which means trouble since the king was planning on making the witch his queen. Before she casts the spell on the king, he promises to grant her whatever she desires. She wishes for nothing other than to spend her life with her lover and he agrees to this. Suspecting foul play, the clever witch switched the Sanskrit spell out for a curse that would leave the king and his army paralyzed and motionless forever, unless awakened.
When the king betrays the witch by killing her lover and stabbing her in the gut, the curse is activated. We then realize, as she flees the palace and rides away on a horse, that she must have cast the spell on herself sometime between retrieving it with her lover and arriving at the palace. Her lover wasn’t so lucky. Apparently she liked him, but wasn’t ready for an eternity-long commitment.
Luke Ford, a newcomer to the series, is introduced as Rick and Evelyn O’Connell’s rebellious son Alex who would rather dive straight into the tombs than sit around in a college classroom. Like father, like son—at the beginning of the movie he has no idea that he’s about to make the same mistake that his father made. For all their eventual heroic deeds once they’ve made a mess of things, maybe the world would be a safer place if the O’Connells would just stop reproducing.
Somehow, Rick and Evelyn just happen to be talked into safely transporting a relic diamond to the Chinese people, which just happens to be the key to awakening the Dragon King. What a coincidence. The absurdity and unlikelihood of parents and child getting wrapped up in the same mummy fiasco again is represented by their initial meeting in China, where they all just happen to show up at the same bar. Cheers.
Brendan Fraser is a pretty likeable guy, but it’s nearly impossible to take him seriously in this movie. While comic relief is a wonderful thing in action-adventure flicks, his goofy portrayal of Rick had me cringing more often than laughing. While I can recognize that he’s got the tricks and moves to be a great hero, he doesn’t exactly inspire a lot of admiration or respect. The role of Evelyn was switched out from Rachel Weisz to Maria Bello, which was a step down. Rachel Weisz’s portrayal felt like an actual human being, whereas Maria Bello’s pinched enthusiasm and constant ear-to-ear grin seemed painfully corny and fake.
The Dragon Emperor was played by none other than Jet Li, but there was nothing really remarkable or impressive about his acting or his stunt work in this film. He was a two-dimensional character because he was lacking that essential human element. A character can be evil and very human at the same time—those tend to have a more powerful impact on audiences. However, he just seemed like a machine programmed to do evil.
What took this movie and put its cheese-factor way over the top was the serendipitous romance between Alex O’Connell and the witch’s beautiful daughter, who endured the responsibility of guarding the tomb. How could it possibly work? He’s a tomb raider; she’s a tomb protector. He likes guns; she likes swords. He’s mortal; she’s immortal. You know, those typical kinks in the relationship that need a bit of ironing out.
There were some good things about this movie (John Hannah was a riot), but there was just too massive a pile of really awful things about it that they were shamefully overshadowed. Let’s pray the O’Connells allow the dead to rest from here on out so that we don’t have to bear another one of these.
